My Half Assed Keto Guide for Beginners

Brought to you by Chelsey at @ketohalfasser

Started keto: February 19, 2018

Starting Weight: Between 340-350 pounds & 5’3” tall

I’ve lost over 175 pounds through a ketogenic way of eating – without surgery or going to the gym.

Hey you! So happy you found me – keto is awesome and SO ARE YOU. I hope this half assed guide I created helps you along your keto journey.

Need further guidance? Want a 1-on-1 conversation with me? Whether you want to pick me brain, ask for keto advice or discuss your weight loss struggles – the time will be yours. Go to my website www.ketohalfasser.com to book a private 45-minute Zoom call with me.

First and foremost, the first thing I recommend doing is downloading the phone app CARB MANAGER. I’ve only ever used the free version, but many people enjoy the premium version as well. This is the only tool I’ve used to provide me my macros and track (when I do decide to track, which is like, 20% of the time). Input your height, weight, activity level etc. and the app will give you your own custom keto macros tailored to your body.

I only care about net carbs & calories. I try my best to stay under 20 net carbs daily. Some days I’ll go a bit over, some days I’m a bit under. DO NOT STRESS OVER IT. Just do your best and be cognizant.

My first year of keto, I did not pay any attention to calories. Being over 300 pounds, my body burned plenty of calories naturally just to stay functioning, therefore I focused on carbs only to make my life easier. My second year of keto, at around 240 pounds, I started being more “mindful” of calories since I was naturally burning less due to losing 100+ pounds. The larger the body, the more you burn by doing nothing.

Not every body is the same. If you’re hungry, eat. If you’re not hungry, fast.

Now that I’m totally fat adapted, I’m pretty happy with one large meal a day (OMAD) and that’s typically dinner. But if I’m hungry around lunch time, I eat! My first year of keto I ate both lunch and dinner with a coffee in the morning. Don’t worry about fasting, OMAD, etc until you’ve become well-acquainted with keto.

Checking for ketosis: First let me say, “checking for ketosis” is so unnecessary and something I rarely ever did on my journey. If you’re eating 20 net carbs per day or less, you’re going to be in ketosis and checking is not needed. Also, high ketone levels don’t equal weight loss! BUT I also understand being a data nerd, so when I did check, this is how I did it: I know you see those nasty pee strips all over social media, but for the love of all that is holy, stop peeing on stuff. Those things are so inaccurate! You don’t want ketones coming out in your urine because that means your body isn’t using them. I’ve only EVER checked my ketones with my BREATH using a cheapie DUI breathalyzer device! It’s my favorite keto lifehack. I made a whole youtube video about it:

Favorite Snacks:

Please check out my link page for the most current list of my favorite keto snacks, products, desserts, etc. with coupons & discount codes! https://ketohalfasser.com/links

· All the cheese. Any form. Cream cheese. String cheese. Individually wrapped cheese. Block cheese. Parm cheese. Shredded cheese. Cheese slices. Pimento. ALL THE CHEESE.

· Egg salad/chicken salad

· Olives

· Pickles

· Almonds

· Peanuts

· Hard boiled eggs with salt and hot sauce https://www.instagram.com/p/Bld1CY7BuAO/

· P3 Packs: https://www.instagram.com/p/BmywdEfhV7x/

· Deli meat (either alone or rolled with a cheese slice and hot sauce)

· Pepperoni (can also be microwaved for a minute and turned into chips for dipping): https://www.instagram.com/p/Bk7-C5kAmPf

· Salami (can also be microwaved for a minute and turned into chips for dipping)

· Baked cheese chips like Whisps (or bake your own)

· Quest tortilla chips (I keep these in my car and take them into restaurants for salsa/dipping)

· Celery with dip

· Beef jerky (Jack Links Zero Sugar, Tillamook Zero Sugar and No Man’s Land are my favorite keto jerkys)

· Sunflower seeds

· Sugar free gum (works great if I have a sweet tooth)

· Pork rinds

· Almond or peanut butter

· Tuna (the flavored packages are awesome for the office, dip them with cheese crackers)

· Real Phat Foods crackers with pub cheese or other low carb dip https://realphatfoods.com/?aff=ketohalfasser

My Go-to Produce (fresh or frozen, it doesn’t matter):

· Avocados

· Cucumbers

· Celery

· Bell peppers

· Onions

· Spinach

· Cabbage

· Brussels

· Broccoli

· Cauliflower

· Zucchini

Favorite condiments:

· Mayo

· Mustard

· Sour Cream

· No-Sugar Added Ketchup

· G. Hughes or Sweet Baby Ray’s Sugar-free BBQ Sauces

· Spicy Brown Mustard

· Ranch Dressing

· Blue Cheese Dressing

· Low Carb Italian Dressing

· Hot Sauce

· Heavy cream

· Almond/coconut milk (look at carbs because brands vary from 0 to 20000)

· Rao’s marinara sauce

Basically all meat is typically fine. I melt butter on my steak and salt it no matter the cut. Some of my favorite meat staples are:

· Sausage (cheddarwursts, Italian, etc)

· Bacon

· Sirloin

· Ribeye

· Ground beef

· Rotisserie chicken or pre-shredded packaged chicken

· Chicken wings (unbreaded and bone-in)

· Chicken thighs or breasts

· Chorizo

· Roast

· Hot dogs

· Shrimp

Coffee:

I used half & half in my coffee or sometimes a dairy-free creamer like Nutpods and Califia Farms. I prefer these creamers over using heavy whipping cream because of calories. I sweeten my coffee with Whole Earth packets or Skinny Syrups/Torani sugar free syrups. You can find Skinny Syrups at Home Goods, Ross, TJ Maxx, Bed Bath and Beyond, etc: https://www.instagram.com/p/B1U-jGXgMxH/ or order them online with my discount code “ketohalfasser” https://www.skinnymixes.com/?rfsn=3788290.619ce6&utm_source=refersion&utm_medium=affiliate&utm_campaign=3788290.619ce6

My typical Starbucks orders:

Cold: Trenta cold brew with 4-5 stevia and light ice (or 3-5 pumps of sugar free cinnamon dolce. Sugar free vanilla is good but it has maltodextrin which spikes blood sugar). I’ll ask for “light cream” if I’m on the go, but if I’m heading to work or home I’ll add my own creamer. Both heavy cream and half and half are fine, but heavy cream has more calories: https://www.instagram.com/p/Bw0KlXxA-aB/

Hot: Venti Americano, ristretto, with steamed light cream OR venti dark roast with steamed light cream: https://www.instagram.com/p/BstDATXg31h/

Common Keto Sweeteners:

· Erythritol (Swerve)

· Monk Fruit (Lakanto)

· Stevia (There are multiple brands but beware of brands like “Stevia in the Raw” because they use fillers like maltodextrin)

· Sucralose (I don’t recommend powdered Splenda because it has maltodextrin and dextrose. Liquid Splenda is way better.)

· Xylitol

· My favorite sweetener is Whole Earth (carried in most grocery stores). It’s a stevia/erythritol/monk fruit blend. You’ll have to experiment with what keto sweeteners you prefer.

Easy meals I make at home:

(Pro tip, just google whatever recipe you want + “keto” and I bet you’ll find one)

Shredded chicken (I buy the Del Real brand that’s ready to go) simmered with a jar of verde salsa or green chile sauce (505 brand, Herdez, any lower carb jars). Throw on top of a halved avocado or use a low-carb wrap (Mission brand has several), top with cheese & sour cream.

Sausage pieces browned in a pan, add Rao’s marinara sauce (or any low carb/low sugar sauce, but Rao’s is awesome), top with mozzarella and parmesan. Add peppers and onions if you’re feeling fancy: https://www.instagram.com/p/B4v-UHJA636

Ground beef with taco seasoning or hot sauce, served on top of a halved avocado with cheese and sour cream. Low carb wraps or a taco salad (add nacho cheese quest chips for a nice crunch): https://www.instagram.com/p/BiQk5O2HLqU/

Ground beef with melted cheese (cream cheese, pimento, cheddar, etc) and seasonings of your choice. I eat it just like this but you can jazz it up with some broccoli or pork rinds.

Zuppa Toscana Soup (Instant Pot or normal pot): https://www.joyfulhealthyeats.com/low-carb-instant-pot-zuppa-toscana-soup/

Nathan’s cheese hot dogs dipped in G. Hughes BBQ Sauce: https://www.instagram.com/p/B0XE3WtAwEO/

Easy egg salad (I buy pre-hard boiled eggs when I’m extra lazy which is always) smash them up with mayo, mustard, dill, pickles and jalapenos/celery depending on my mood

Chicken breasts baked with asparagus, both covered in lemon juice and butter or olive oil.

Drinks:

I drink diet soda. There I said it. Here are some of my favorite keto beverages:

· Diet Dr. Pepper

· Sparkling Ice Drinks – every flavor is awesome

· Gatorade & Powerade Zero

· Unsweetened Iced Tea (or sweetened with Whole Earth packets that I keep in my purse)

· Sparkling water (La Croix, Bubbly, etc)

Booze:

I typically do rum, vodka or whiskey mixed with diet soda. Flavored sparkling waters like La Croix or whatever 0 carb drink you prefer would be fine. White Claw works in a pinch if you’re feeling basic.

Desserts and sweets (I have more listed at https://ketohalfasser.com/links):

· ChocZero – code “ketohalfasser” for 10% off

· Real Phat Foods cinnamon crackers and cookie dough – “ketohalfasser” saves 10%

· Slim Fast Keto Peanut Butter Cups

· Built Bars (these remind me of milky ways) – code “ketohalfasser” for 10% off

· Perfect Keto mallow bars (similar to rice crispy treats) KETOHALFASSER20 saves 20%

· Rebel, Nicks or Enlightened Keto Ice Cream

· Smart Cakes & muffins by Smart Baking Company – code “ketohalfasser” for 10% off: https://www.instagram.com/p/B0CsBfZgjHM/

· Quest Cookies

· Nature’s Path Granola with whipped cream (found at Target)

· Legendary Foods flavored almond butters (banana chocolate is amazing)

· Sugar-free whipped cream

· Sugar-free Jello or pudding

Watch out for sweets containing maltitol. Your stomach and booty hole will be destroyed!

EATING OUT – This is what I do 90% of the time. You can find examples of most of these on my Instagram and TikTok accounts @ketohalfasser:

Don’t be afraid to ask the restaurant to modify your order. They don’t care and totally will! Do a side salad instead of fries, no bun, etc. Some of my common requests are to substitute chips for celery when we order dip, extra mayo & no ketchup or bun on burgers, I peel the breading off mozzarella sticks EVERY TIME, and most breakfast places will do cottage cheese instead of potatoes. Here are some of my favorites and how I order:

Texas Road house:

My two sides are always steamed broccoli loaded with cheese and bacon & a side salad with no crouton, no tomato (personal preference on the tomato), extra egg and blue cheese dressing).

Sirloin with a side of butter (melt it on top – optional): https://www.instagram.com/p/B3It10qgpJd/

Ribs with no sauce (good dipped in garlic butter!)

Roadkill with a side of garlic butter for dipping: https://www.instagram.com/p/B46KA5ZAE5u

Herb chicken

McDonalds:

McDoubles & triple cheeseburgers, no bun no ketchup extra onion.

Sausage egg cheese mcmuffin with no muffin.

In & Out:

Flying Dutchman, mustard fried, add pickles: https://www.instagram.com/p/B38OXWDgUWE

or any burger “protein style” = wrapped in lettuce. I love the 4×4! https://www.instagram.com/p/BxJJrFxAVYo/

Burger King:

BK has “low carb style” which puts your burger on a bed of lettuce with no condiments. Ask for mayo and mustard packets on the side. I love the bacon and cheese whopper low carb style, extra pickles.

Chick-Fil-A:

Cobb salad, no corn, spicy grilled chicken (sometimes I get extra chicken if I’m a starvin’ marvin) with either creamy salsa dressing or avocado lime dressing. They also have baggies of “pepitas” which are pumpkin seeds that are 1 carb and add a nice crunch!! https://www.instagram.com/p/B29Y_lMghj6/

Grilled nuggets with buffalo sauce: https://www.instagram.com/p/BjDWLs3hY-z/

Chili’s:

I like their sirloin topped with grilled avocado, a side of garlic butter, asparagus and broccoli: https://www.instagram.com/p/BwQTZPHgAbj/

BBQ Joints:

I usually just order meats a-la-carte at BBQ places since the “meals” come with a roll and shit. If I don’t bring any sugar-free BBQ sauce with me then I’ll allow myself a small dollop of their sauce. Typically mustard-based sauces are lower in carbs. Ask for a bunch of pickles on the side, greens or even coleslaw (although slaw can be sugary):

Holy Smokin’ Butts BBQ: https://www.instagram.com/p/B0JzfebAo1o/

Lucille’s BBQ with greens and slaw: https://www.instagram.com/p/B0cSzFkgGAp/

Breakfast Joints:

I usually order a-la-carte at breakfast joints depending on how it’s cheaper. I’ll do 2 or 3 fried eggs, bacon, sausage and cottage cheese OR some type of omelet most of the time: https://www.instagram.com/p/Bzi4bvXAkdY/

Fried eggs and bacon: https://www.instagram.com/p/Byx0FNuAybE/

IHOP A-la-carte: https://www.instagram.com/p/BmmBQWWhgGz/

Steak and eggs: https://www.instagram.com/p/Bi-to7RBuIe/

Cheesecake Factory:

I love this place because you can order DESSERT! They have a low carb cheesecake!

Cobb salad, no tomatoes, extra bacon with blue cheese dressing: https://www.instagram.com/p/BzYzSVvAh64/

Low carb cheesecake (made with splenda): https://www.instagram.com/p/Bs3p786ACSR/

Almond chicken salad, no bun, extra almonds, side salad with blue cheese: https://www.instagram.com/p/Bnen40RBr7T/

I also love their stuffed cheeseburger without the bun and a side salad.

Chipotle:

Asada/Steak/Chicken/Barbacoa/Carnitas with guacamole, lettuce, hot salsa, fajita veggies, queso, sour cream and cheese: https://www.instagram.com/p/BifWoOxhngy/

Cracker Barrel:

Double meat breakfast, added a side of ham: https://www.instagram.com/p/BuReTJsgzWj/

Hamburger steak with side salad and greens

Mexican restaurants:

They all vary but I’ll generally always get fajitas (no beans/tortillas/rice), red chile con carne, salad with various meat and no tortilla or beans), chorizo and eggs, and I always take my Quest tortilla chips to dip in the salsa!

Chorizo omelet with cottage cheese: https://www.instagram.com/p/B50psRKAEh5

Chicken Fajitas: https://www.instagram.com/p/B4GHPqZgT3H

Red chile con carne: https://www.instagram.com/p/B2HzwqJgtlC/

Green chile con carne: https://www.instagram.com/p/BwNbl9_gqEt/

Carne asada burrito with no tortilla: https://www.instagram.com/p/B1P49QVgx8g/

Salad with carne seca: https://www.instagram.com/p/BzBieOeglL_/

Quest chips for that salsa hoe https://www.instagram.com/p/Bwzxyd5gVF0

Five Guys:

Bacon cheeseburger in a bowl, extra cheese extra bacon (no charge for extra!), pickles, mayo, mustard (if I’m taking it home I add my own sugar free ketchup, If I’m eating there I skip ketchup), onions, bell peppers, jalapenos. I also be sure to eat plenty of their peanuts while I wait lol: https://www.instagram.com/p/B2K_HWlAgWX/

Lou Malnati’s:

Sausage crust pizza!!!!!! HOLY SHIT if you live near a Lou Malnati’s please try this amazing creation lol https://www.instagram.com/p/B14dO6Agmtv/

Pizza joints:

I’ll either eat the toppings off the crust, ask if they can do a crustless pizza for me (typically bake the toppings in a tin) or I’ll do wings. My local pizza place (Mama’s Pizza) has an awesome sausage hero that they bake in a tin for me without the bread:

Sausage https://www.instagram.com/p/Bw5nQeFg2XN/

Toppings (pizza buffets are awesome for this) https://www.instagram.com/p/BsJHZevA6wD/

Popeyes:

Blackened chicken tenders with green beans. Their blackened tenders are unbreaded, cooked to order and 1-2 carbs depending on how many you get! https://www.instagram.com/p/BuaBKqMgnJ4/

Hooters:

Wings duh. Traditional, bone-in and unbreaded. Go on Wednesday for unlimited wing night! They have several keto friendly sauces: https://www.instagram.com/p/B06BOzOg5vf/

Buffalo Wild Wings:

Traditional wings with chipotle BBQ dry rub (OMG SO GOOD), desert heat dry rub, garlic parm or buffalo. I always order my wings plain (no sauce unless it’s a dry rub) and then get the sauce on the side because they stay crispy!!! Lots of ranch. BWW also has naked tenders, mozzarella sticks (I peel off the breading) and queso dip (ask for celery instead of chips): https://www.instagram.com/p/BzhJ-xLAgDF/

Appetizers https://www.instagram.com/p/BqnTDByg94N/

Wings https://www.instagram.com/p/BplLKAygrdS

Jersey Mikes:

Any of their sandwiches, “Sub in a tub” style!!! Add extra mayo and bacon if you’re hungry like me: https://www.instagram.com/p/B1pYHETAQF5/

Jimmy Johns:

You can get any of their sandwiches “Unwich” style (wrapped in lettuce) but my favorite is the GARGANTUAN unwich with a side of kickin’ ranch: https://www.instagram.com/p/B4adDW8AHwI and https://www.instagram.com/p/Bw9p3-Nhfyp/

Red Robin:

Tons of great options here! You can get any burger without the bun or wrapped in lettuce and sub unlimited fries with an unlimited side salad or broccoli. I love the Royal Burger with no bun and a side salad: https://www.instagram.com/p/ByOC_9HgPn5/

Red Lobster:

Shrimp scampi, sirloin, green beans and broccoli with a shit ton of butter baby! https://www.instagram.com/p/Bs1JtRmghUL/

Longhorn Steakhouse:

Any steak (the Outlaw Ribeye is the absolute shit though) with a side salad (they have an amazing blue cheese wedge) and green beans or asparagus: https://www.instagram.com/p/B1Xgq8Gg_TX/

They also have cauliflower au-gratin which is a bit carby but yummy: https://www.instagram.com/p/BsjuNUXAOxN/

Sushi places:

Every sushi place I’ve gone to has the option to wrap your rolls in cucumber and skip the rice. Philly rolls are my jam: https://www.instagram.com/p/BviICEXAK2W/

Whataburger:

Bacon and cheese whataburger with no bun: https://www.instagram.com/p/BiUo-3WnxXJ/

Smashburger:

I love this place because they have flash-fried brussel sprouts with ranch!!! You can do a bunless burger or their cobb salad with fried egg: https://www.instagram.com/p/BmuA-_AgalK/

Olive Garden:

I love me some OG. They offer zoodles in place of pasta now, but I personally prefer substituting pasta for broccoli. Alfredo sauce + broccoli = heaven.

Fettuccini Chicken Alfredo, substitute pasta for broccoli, extra sauce (this is my go-to): https://www.instagram.com/p/B35uIZmA-z6/

Stuffed Chicken Marsala, substitute potatoes for zoodles or broccoli: https://www.instagram.com/p/B5fyrzWAD_1/

Chicken piccata with zoodles or broccoli instead of pasta, extra sauce: https://www.instagram.com/p/BoahDU_glOk/

Zoodles primavera requires no substitutes, but ask for extra sauce on the side because the zoodles get watery: https://www.instagram.com/p/B2DJEKVAtOx/

Chicken carbonara with broccoli or zoodles instead of pasta: https://www.instagram.com/p/Bz8PF9MAYTd/

Chicken scampi with broccoli or zoodles instead of pasta: https://www.instagram.com/p/BtXJ4uoAEKK/

You can always stick with the salad, but I love the zuppa toscana soup! I ask the waiter to scoop it without potatoes “as best as they can” and they always accommodate!

Olive Garden is a heavy meal with lots of calories, so if I’m planning for it, I make it my OMAD (one meal for the day).

Top Golf:

Breakfast burrito without the tortilla: https://www.instagram.com/p/B3lDsDVgc5D/

Buffalo chicken dip, no breadcrumbs, sub tortilla chips for celery (swipe for photo): https://www.instagram.com/p/B3lDsDVgc5D/

Piggyback burger, no bun and a side salad: https://www.instagram.com/p/B3SYqnRgS34/

Here is my Amazon shop with various keto shit I buy: snacks, vitamins etc: https://www.amazon.com/shop/ketohalfasser

(I’ll be adding to this list as time permits). Feel free to check back!